Having trouble viewing this newsletter? View our web version to see it in your browser.

January 20, 2010 >>

What's New at Experts Exchange
A Plea, Geniuses, Members and Kudos

Editors' Choice Articles
Nine of the best from EE Authors

In Case You Have Too Many Shirts
A little fun in stormy weather

When The Joke Becomes The Reality
When cars and software collide

Tip From the Mods
The reason we do the things we do

More News and Notes
Latest from GoogleLabs: GoogleNerve

Nata's Corner
A list, a trick and some needed legislation

New Certificates
New certificate holders, through January 17

What's New at Experts Exchange

Haiti: Dzynit posted a question that isn't one, asking members to support her sister, a veterinarian who recently spent time in Haiti, and who has added a forum to her site for contacting people in Haiti who might not otherwise be able to communicate with the outside world due to last week's major earthquake.

That was preceded by a note from lherrou, one of EE's longest serving Zone Advisors, that told us he was headed to Haiti as a member of FEMA's urban search and rescue team. The two events prompted Mary Ciesinski and Megan Farrell of Experts Exchange to get the company involved. In addition to doing some fund-raising locally, starting this week there will be a red "DONATE TO HAITI" button that will link to UNICEF's website allowing members to donate if they can.

New Members: Brian Milne and his wife, Aja, welcomed 7 lb. 8 oz. (3.53 kb) Westley Johnathan Milne (at left) to the Experts Exchange family on January 11. Soon to be joining the Moderator team is 8 lb. (3.63) Lewis Ian Brett (at right), the son of DropBearMod (Dave) and his wife, Lucy, born January 16. Already in training are Lewis' siblings, Rachael and Jack.

Register a Friend for FREE!: Have a friend who knows a thing or two about technology? Have them register as an Expert at Experts Exchange for FREE! Just send them this link: http://www.experts-exchange.com/becomeAnExpert.jsp.

How it works:

• New Experts can answer questions and write articles to unlock premium features such as asking questions and searching the knowledgebase
• To unlock these features and become a Qualified Expert, new Experts must earn 10,000 points (about 7 questions)
• fter that, they'll need to earn just 3,000 points each month to keep free membership and access to premium features

Share this link with your friends and colleagues! http://www.experts-exchange.com/becomeAnExpert.jsp

New Geniuses: Four members of Experts Exchange have picked up their first Genius certificates. lnkevin earned his in Computer Servers; tsmvp in Remote Desktop/Terminal Services; egl1044 in Visual Basic Programming; and henjoh09 in Windows 2003 Server.

Milestones:

• leew has earned 11,000,000 since joining Experts Exchange, and is closing in on 11,000,000 in the Excel zone.
• hielo and Idle_Mindhave both reached the 10,000,000 point level.
• rorya and aneeshattingal, who also went over the 6,000,000 point mark in MS SQL Server, have both earned 9,000,000 points.
• Mestha and RobWill have both earned 8,000,000 points.
• chapmandew has reached the 6,000,000 point level.
• Gertone has earned over 2,000,000 points in both the XML and XSLT zones.

New MVP: jcgriff2, who joined Experts Exchange in October 2008, is the latest member to become a Microsoft MVP for Windows Desktop Experience. Congratulations!

Kudos: Most of the time, the items we list here come from comments Askers post in threads, or the occasional email we get. ValentinoV, who recently had an article selected as an Editor's Choice, took it one step better: he posted his comments in his blog. In addition to thanking jennhp, EE's content coordinator, for tracking him down and convincing him to write his articles, he also wrote: "I'd like to thank mark_wills for his enthusiasm and support. He's the Page Editor that has reviewed my articles and selected several for the EE Approved status (in cooperation with mwvisa1 I believe). Just to make sure I haven't missed anyone, I'd like to say thanks to all Page Editors that have approved my articles!"

tahirih had some kind words for the Experts in the Access and Excel zones: "I am not sure how to post a gratitude message like this, but I want to thank everyone who assisted me during my first year on Experts Exchange. It was also my first year at my job, so there was an intense learning curve, and I was not taking a break at all from my desk. All of you helped immensely during this time. All of you were invaluable my first year, and I want to start the New Year by offering a warm 'Thank you.'"

Work smarter. Work faster. Work better.

Put the world's best technology Experts to work for you today.

For individuals, upgrade to Premium Services.

• Receive professional help for your IT problems
• Save time to use on other projects or tasks
• Improve your IT knowledge through interaction

For organizations, create a Corporate Account. In addition to Premium Service features, Corporate Accounts also...

• Make it easy for your organization to pay for your access
• Save you 42% or more off the standard monthly rate
• Enable your account administrator to manages licenses
• Allow you to pay by purchase order

Upgrade to Premium Services.
Learn More about Corporate Accounts

To make sure you get the next issue of our newsletter, please add the email address newsletter@experts-exchange.com to your address book for a better viewing experience.

Tips From the Moderators

One of our favorite subjects came up the other day in a question asked in the New To EE zone by CentralWare, who wondered why Experts do what they do. We have taken a couple of editorial liberties with zorvek's response due to space limitations, but it's pretty solid.

The fact that you are asking this question means you are probably either not wanting to be an expert or are not cut out to be an expert. On the other hand, perhaps I might just convince you to give up some part of your valuable life to join the ranks of altruistic point hungry smart asses who help the poor folks who have gotten so lost they end up here desperately seeking solutions to problems they can't solve on their own.

The first thing that excites an expert is the simple thought that they know something that will help someone else solve a problem. When the asker says something like "You are a god.", well, you have to admit there is a bit of euphoria. Please see Q_22141527.html#a18424830. See M_1677072.html for more insanity.

The next level of illness occurs when you see points start to accumulate. Now your perception begins to shift from helping others to winning the game. When you get this bug you have succumbed to the magic of what makes EE different than most other sites: the illusion that you are actually getting something for posting solutions that work. To further this addiction EE offers tangible and non-tangible artifacts such as certificates and t-shirts.

Now you are in the game. You are addicted. The wife gets out of bed and scowls at you sitting at the computer at 2 AM. The kids don't recognize you any more. Your friends miss you at Monday Night Football. But you have new friends in far away places with whom you converse about how many points you have, that new junior expert that doesn't have a clue, that goofy asker who can't seem to understand anything, and the crazy people who keep adding silly functionality to an already working website.

Then something really cool happens. You start gaining some serious respect in the community. If you keep it up, Microsoft or some other entity comes along, notices all the fine work you have done without any expectations of monetary reward, and makes you an MVP or some such thing. Then there are the people in need who realize that not everything can be solved for $12 a month and they try to hire you for some serious cash.

But, at the end of the day, it really boils down to just wanting to help some poor sod who is stuck and really wants to get that damn thing working before the boss asks him how it's going. Doing so with respect and integrity while keeping the asker from feeling inferior or foolish is easy for some and difficult for others. Those who have that ability and have a little extra time can be and should be experts.

Editors' Choice Articles

The following articles have been designated as Editors' Choice by the Page Editors. For additional information on Articles and making sure your masterpiece is up to EE's publishing standards, check out the Article Guidelines and Article Tips zone.

Parsing Names in MS Office, Visual Basic 6, and Visual Basic for Applications
by matthewspatrick:

Create a Win7 Maze! Gadget
by DanRollins:

Fonts, Web Design, and the Holy Grail
by lherrou:

Managing the Transaction Log for the Accidental DBA
by mark_wills:

[Video] Create Dynamic Images with PHP and GD
by gr8gonzo:

Computing row-wise aggregations in Access
by matthewspatrick:

How to Succeed in ... Anything
by ericpete:

How to Mimic the T-SQL IsNumeric() Function in MySQL
by ValentinoV:

Reporting On Data From Stored Procedures
by mwvisa1:

In Case You Have Too Many Shirts

The combination of extended time off during the holidays and a surfeit of frozen precipitation caused demazter to take some time away from doing Cleanup and answering a few questions to build the snowman (with the help of his 3-year-old son) at left; he then dutifully posted a question and recorded the event for posterity

Not to be outdone, ModernMatt built the model at right, and posted it as well. demazter, citing the inclusion of sticks for arms and his own "snowEEman's" demise in more temperate weather, asked that ModernMatt be awarded the "Good Answer".

Apropos of the above, and not to cast aspersions on either of the two fine gentlemen mentioned above, our buddy tfewster sent this warning via email:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes: Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

When The Joke Becomes The Reality

An editor by trade, a writer by avocation and an Expert by some cosmic practical joke, ericpete puts together the newsletter for Experts Exchange.

There's an ancient joke that refers to Bill Gates making a remark about the consequences of auto manufacturers developing products like software companies and the alleged response from GM. What's curious is how the fiction is becoming the reality.

The word out of last week's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, not to mention the big huge auto show in Detroit, is that cars are coming out with still more bells and whistles, and with them will come the end of that time-honored task of taking the wife to WalMart so she can stock up while you get the oil changed... or changing it yourself, which gives you an excuse to spend hours gazing longingly at the 586-piece professional mechanic's cabinet with every imaginable socket and end wrench at Sear's.

Seriously, I'm not sure I like all the new stuff you can get on cars nowadays; I'll be the first to admit (since I live out in the country) that the idea of having a built-in GPS locator in case you get stranded on a back road in a snowstorm is a good idea, but the idea of having all kinds of in-dash entertainment devices is a little unnerving.

I happened to be on the Schuykill Expressway in Philadelphia -- the main freeway through downtown -- on October 7, 1977 when the Phillies blew a 2-run lead with two out in the 9th inning to lose to the Dodgers, and it was ... interesting... to watch Phillies fans stuck in rush hour traffic listening to the game. Had there been television screens people could watch instead of listening to the AM radio, instead of a lot of dented dashboards there might have been hundreds of fender-benders.

The first problem with all these "improvements" in new cars is that there are more things that can go wrong. It's bad enough that the motorized car antenna decides to stay stuck in the down mode, or the motorized window falls off its track, or the back doors get stuck in the locked position (child safety, right?). But can you imagine living in Missouri -- where the heat and humidity in the summer can take a toll on anyone, but where it was 7°F over the holidays -- with your fancy seat warmers stuck on high?

The second problem is that I've never heard anyone say "Gee, I really wish I could have separate DVD players for each of the seats in my car so the kids can watch their own movies because they fight over them." Never mind the unspoken observation on parental skills that has to do with being involved with your children, as opposed to finding some way of keeping them occupied so you don't have to be involved with them. Isn't one instance of The Backyardigans at a time enough? Does anyone really need separate air conditioners -- errr... "individual climate control" -- for each seat?

There's the problem with the auto industry. Gasoline is expensive, and money is tight, and consumers want vehicles that are dependable, don't cost a lot to maintain, and are fuel-efficient (it costs me about $40 to fill the tank on my little pickup truck). What do they get? Fancy new devices that don't have a lot to do with getting from here to there. More systems -- that require an advanced degree in engineering or a $20,000 machine to simply maintain, let alone repair -- and they're so interconnected that when one goes down, we wouldn't be surprised to see a Blue Screen Of Death appear where the speedometer is.

And the prices for all these neat goodies are rolled into the base price -- so you can't NOT have them. It doesn't matter to the manufacturers than you can't get a car where you can just turn on the key, put the car in gear, release the brake and go. They're going to give you bells and whistles whether you want them or not, and you get to pay for them. They're "features". They also cost a lot to diagnose and repair (thanks for the link, Jason!).

As an industry, the autommobile manufacturers took virtually no time to figure out how to get GPS locater devices, not to mention connections for your iPod and now your phone into automobiles. They spend a ton of money retooling their products with new taillight lenses and slight changes to body styles and marginally different configurations of gauges -- but it has taken them decades to build more fuel-efficient engines. For all intents and purposes, you get more or less the same piece of equipment you got 15 years ago; the advances in engineering the internal cumbustion engine to make it more cost-effective for the end user just haven't been there.

Even more absurd is the inclusion of devices that can potentially distract a driver from the task at hand, namely navigating at high rates of speed several thousand pounds of metal, glass and flammable liquids. Don't these people read the papers? "Hands free" doesn't necessarily mean "undistracted"; try remembering those seven items (what brand of laundry detergent was it?), the pizza for dinner, extra stamps and little Johnny at soccer practice while you're driving on the 405 during rush hour. A phone call or text message from the boss telling you that you have to come back because the mail server is down isn't going to improve your concentration.

We can't think of the last time we saw a TV commercial featuring a slender spokesmodel telling us we should buy her car because it's a better car. Everyone gets high marks from J. D. Power & Associates in something and you don't hear about "rated slightly below average in crash safety tests by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration". Not that we expect to hear that; the idea of simply making a better car and letting it sell itself would have a far more profound impact on not only the auto industry, but advertising and television as well, even more than the financial crisis has.

It just isn't sexy. There's a reason that the car companies have to sell their product so much; nobody really wants to have to buy it when that 2001 Toyota with 164,000 miles on it works just fine, and you can get to the oil filter to change it.

More News and Notes

Yes, we know this section is shorter than usual, but that's due to two factors: the number of Editor's Choice articles and the number of New Certificates. Don't worry -- we'll have some nice tidbits for you in a couple of weeks.

Latest from GoogleLabs: GoogleNerve: Although some of the weekend's stories had Google backing off a bit, it looks like the company's threat to stop censoring its search results -- thereby risking its ability to do business in China -- is a done deal. Security experts pointed to flaws in Internet Explorer as the likely conduit for the cyberattacks on GMail, but all noted that the attacks were successful because people clicked links.

While human rights folks were understandably happy that Google had decided that self-censorship in the pursuit of money is doing evil, there are a number of facts that should be considered:

1. Google is running a distant second in China to the country's home-grown search engine, Baidu, which was itself hacked last week, apparently by the same folks who hacked Twitter in December by messing with the DNS numbers. (A true cynic would point out that Google has some very smart people working for it, but we're not that cynical.)
2. Google's departure from China doesn't make life any easier for the US government or other big companies that still want to do business in China. (A true cynic would be quoting Berthold Brecht: "Grub first; then ethics" -- but we're not that cynical.)
3. There are some companies out there that might do pretty well by developing tools to circumvent Chinese restrictions. (A true cynic would suggest that one man's garbage is another man's gold -- but we're not that cynical.)
4. Google's departure from China leaves a big slice of the pie there for the taking. Curiously, one person who was apparently unconcerned about the move was Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who now finds his own search engine nicely positioned to fill a vacuum, despite the fact that his search engine partner, Yahoo, was targeted in the attacks and sided with Google. (A true cynic would say that Microsoft a) has winked and nodded at Chinese counterfeiting and worse for years and b) knew that sooner or later, the Chinese would find the hole in IE -- and might also say that this is just one more move in the ongoing cat-and-mouse game being played out between Redmond and Santa Clara -- but we're not that cynical.)

In requiem: Kim Peek, the inspiration for Dustin Hoffman's Oscar-winning performance in Rain Man.

Early Adopters' Alert! Apple will be announcing a new product next week -- probably a tablet, if all the rumors are correct. Speaking of which, ValleyWag, the Silicon Valley blog, is offering $100,000 to anyone who will let its writers "play with one for an hour."

Rumors of Facebook-AOL merger untrue: Our friend Susan sent us a link to the Web 2.0 Suicide Machine, which is either a hilarious spoof or one of the handiest tools you could ask for. Apparently, the people at Facebook disagree, thinking you're much better off if to do take the nine hours or so to remove all traces of yourself on the site, much like AOL used to make it difficult to cancel. It gets even more difficult to get rid of that Facebook trail (not to mention the Twits you've posted) when there are glitches or when you use simple passwords or install malware -- deliberately. Then again, just because you don't want to make all your thoughts public doesn't mean that Facebook doesn't know better. When will they learn?

In the meantime, the pudding -- which will eventually have some proof available -- is being cooked, because Facebook is hiring an e-commerce team. That means one of two things: either a Facebook store (can you imagine all the "face" type jokes that will be on t-shirts?) or a subscription model. Or both.

Apropos of which, there's a rumor flying around Facebook that the company will start charging for its services this coming June; it's a hoax designed to socially-network members into downloading a trojan. On the other hand, you'll note that the quote of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg says they're not going charge for their basic [emphasis added] services. (Thanks, Anita!)

Why you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet: Agent K's assertion (at the 5:47 mark) notwithstanding, the tabloid website TMZ got conned by a faked photograph allegedly of then Senator John F. Kennedy. Ooops.

From the Jason file: One of our favorite correspondents has sent us a list of items he has gathered over the last month or so:

• Jason's new favorite game.
• The toddler who was sucked on a USB cable is doing fine, according to Fark, but her parents have been downgraded to iDiots.
• Research he insists was done by the Moderators during the holidays.
• Jason has discovered where his Underpants Gnomes have disappeared to. Please, no emails about an undercover job.
• We weren't going to mention this, but then Jason had to go and find a letter to a newspaper.
• Vintage Christmas advertising and a truly bad idea.
• Strangely, the 405/101 interchange in Los Angeles isn't mentioned.
• A warning and a reminder.
• A sighting of BooMod in Kyoto.
• Apparently, Arthur C. Clarke was right about Europa.

Department of HUH?: The recording industry has told the FCC that they think it's okay for the FCC to set rules requiring ISPs to be neutral in the delivery of data to someone's computer -- as long as the FCC lets ISPs block or throttle access in order to stop piracy. Also, people are apparently happier on weekends.

Sign of the Apocalypse: Women are four times more likely than men to give up their passwords if chocolate is involved. (Thanks, Todd!) Also, Conan O'Brien is trying to sell the Tonight show (see the story if the ad disappears, your life in pixels and the case for an injunction against the end of the world.

Nata's Corner

Normally, I'm not one to pass along all those things we all get in the mail, because I don't like to encourage people from sending something I got from them five years ago that is making the rounds again. But this list is worth it:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Mapquest and Google Maps need to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the ten-page paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!)but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

On a more serious note, everyone is familar with the Microsoft MVPs -- there are about 300 of them who are members of EE -- but not everyone is familiar with their website. I came across a neat article written by them that tells you how to use the HOSTS file to keep from visiting malware sites, and it has the added advantage of stopping those tracking cookies from ad companies and such. They've even made it easy for you to replace your existing HOSTS file while keeping it as a backup.

I'm all in favor of donating to help the people in Haiti, but please be careful. The email spammers are already at work trying to cash in on the suffering of others, so if you want to donate, do not click on the link in an email. Go directly to the site (like UNICEF or the Red Cross) and make your donation there.

Finally, there is a piece of legislation in Congress that I can back. Rep. Anna Eshoo has introduced the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act (CALM), which takes on the decibel level of late night television commercials. If there's anything the Other Half and I argue about, it's when he turns up the TV so he can hear a show, only to have the commercials blast away so loud that it wakes me up. All I can say is that it's about damn time.

New Certificates